My blog address is changing..........

For those of you who are close friends/family, I will let you know what my new blog address is.

Pure Happiness, Love & Support...

I am one lucky girl. Even though sometimes I feel like things happen to people for a reason I certainly understand my situation to be a learning expierence. Gosh, from being married 4 years, I know what I like, what i dont, what I look for, and what I would possibly want in the future.

So, hmmmm for some major changes. Blonde hair, bluish green eyes, SUPER tall, HANDSOME, VERY loving, understanding, comforting, dependable, admirable. I love the feeling of "being in love." There is nothing more special than feeling like a princess, or a QUEEN.... :) I want to be in love again, and never fall out of love. I want to be that wife that you can always count on. Always know that I will stand by your side, and support you. But, I also want a boyfriend/husband who recognizes that he has a great thing, and cherishes it, instead of walks on it, and takes it for granted. For the past 4 years of being married I know what its like to put everything in, and not get everything back. Alot of me wonders if I will ever be able to do it again. But sometimes it just takes the right person to let you know that it is possible to open up and let go again. What a leap of faith. But, with the right person I think ANYTHING is possible.

I have always had a lot of guys interested in me,.... even prior to getting married. I was just always that girl who took very good care of herself, worried about my hair getting done every 6 weeks like clock work, my toes and nails done, was very lean, and my self pride was very high. I always put my standards up here ^ and hoped that someone would come into my life and not only hit my standards, but supercede them. So, I got the guy I am currently married to, who swept me off my feet. Who took my breath away. Who I thought I was so lucky being able to know, and eventually marry. Then, I realized what a big mistake I was making. The family had so many problems, I didnt know if I was coming or going. Issues were arising, and deep down, I knew I should have A. never gotten married, or B. gotten it cancelled very soon after all the troubles started. I kept faith. I tried and tried to put things behind me, and work on the problems within my home. The only problem was, only one of us wanted to recognize and deal with the problems, as the other wanted to bury his head in the sand, and avoid confrontation. I fought by myself, often putting myself out in a very vulnerable state. I got hurt, many times, and never had the partner that I married to turn to. He never had enough respect or pride for his wife to stand up for her. Instead, I often took the blame for the situations to avoid conflict. In the long run, it has hurt me, and it has also helped me become the strong lady I am today.
I want a man who is family oriented. Someone who knows how to treat kids well, and the family is the center of their world. They would do anything to just spend that last second with you, just to tell you they love you one more time. I have never had that, and often wonder if something like this only happens in fairytales.
My love goes to someone who has the most amazing characteristics. Someone who has not had everythig served on a silver platter, who isn't used to being treated like royalty. I want to allow them to expierence how wonderful it feels to know someone loves you and can take care of you, emotionally and physically. Someone I can spoil.... and just allow the great characteristics I know I have and possess to shine and shed some warmth on your life, when you might have felt so alone. I know how I would want to be treated, and all I am looking for is someone to do the same for me. Someone who makes me feel like a million bucks when he looks at me, holds my hand proudly, or hugs me. I found someone who does just this..... and I love and cherish each moment that we do get to spend time together. I never take it for granted, and I look forward to the next time, and the weeks, months, years to come. God has to recognize that I am a good person, and I deserve to have happiness. I think thats why he put you in my life.... b/c I feel like the luckiest girl to have found you! You amaze me daily with your kindness, loving support. You are the sweetest guy I know, and any woman would be lucky to have you.... :) I feel like I won the lottery everytime you look at me with your cute smile, and I hope this feeling NEVER goes away! You are the BEST!! Thank you for waking my heart up to letting me know it is possible and someone is out there that can show me just how much I am worth again! I knew 2010 was going to be an amazing year! All because of an amazing guy who I cant wait to get to know more!

ahhhh!!! I am sooooo lucky!! Thank you God!! & Thank you to the man who knows who he is for showing me all of this!!

Life Happens....

My adventures have already begun for 2010, and to sum it up in one word-- "Amazing"
I am happier than I have been in a long time. I feel encouraged, confident, and somewhat relieved that the pieces of the puzzle of life continue to show themselves daily. I feel like I am making the right choices for myself and kids, and know in my heart what life choices have to be made for all parties involved to achieve the happiness that each one of us deserves.

Marriage is hard. Its hard when there are 2 people who are in it, but only 1 wants to continue. Some people might be shocked to see that behind my constant smile, ... life hasn't been all that great. I have hit a rough patch in my life, and have done some long and hard thinking about the possible outcomes, based on decisions I must make. They say that if you make it after 5 years, then you are pretty much out of the clear. Well, I have made it for 4 years almost, and I know in my heart and soul that even asking for that extra year will be hard to achieve. Too many hurtful situations have happened right from the beginning. 3rd parties have put a constant strain on our relationship, until they were removed from the situation. Now, all that is left is hurt and hard feelings. I often feel like I have to answer for my actions of removing destructive people from mine and my kids life. I also often feel like these actions have done nothing but cause animosity and problems between 2 sides of the family. What I might believe is right or wrong, might not be what another believes. However, for the safety and mental wellbeing of each party involved, things had to be this way.
There is 1 party involved, who has suffered from both sides. Even though I fault my husband for this due to lack of support for his wife and at time child, I understand the other side of things. I understand that I am just a girl who got married to you, and that was your family from many years ago. I understand that when I start requesting not to see them, or go to the activities they are at, it makes for a tough pull either way. Often resulting in negativity flying from one side towards the other based off the choices that you have made. I am sorry you have been in the middle. I am sorry that it has been rough on you, and that the decision of supporting your wife was often times a very hard one for you to make, even though you did it.
I have lived with things botttled up inside for so long, that I wouldn't know where to begin in explaining how emotionally drained I am. I have stomached and put up with far more than I would have ever with anyone else, or their family. I have hurt feelings, and can never express them. I have sadness for you, and how you have had to suffer and be removed from a very close part of your life, due to me. I am not proud for allowing this relationship to continue this long. I am not proud that the strong woman i once was, couldn't stand up and say enough had to be enough. I kept my smile on my face, and tried to stay strong. Well, those days have come to an end. I am no longer happy, and I can no longer hide the fact that there have been mistakes made all around in this situation. But, I have come to the conclusion that at going on 27 this month,.... I am far to young to not be happy. My kids are far to young to not have a Mom who is not happy within her own life, so it slowly starts leaking into the kids lives. It is not fair, and I will not allow this to happen to them.
For this is why I can see 2010 becoming a good year... but unfortunately, all the hard things have to happen first. Unfortunately, both of us will be getting hurt in some way, shape or form,... but it must happen in order to have a bright future for all those involved.